Murphy's Military Police Laws (Fun Reading)

[Robban87]

- Your brassard and your badge won't stop bullets.
- If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.
- Don't look conspicuous - it antagonizes officers.
- When in doubt, empty your shotgun.
- Never share a patrol car with anyone braver than you.
- Not wearing body armor attracts bullets and knives.
- If your response goes well, you're at the wrong barracks.
- Your Patrol Supervisor will show up when you're doing something really stupid.
- The time it takes to respond to an emergency is inversely proportional to the importance of the call.
- The warrant you don't read is the one you'll serve at the wrong quarters.
- No matter how you write it, the Desk Sergeant will want it changed.
- If you charge in all alone, you'll be shot by your own officers.
- The diversion you're ignoring is the actual crime.
- The important things are always simple.
- The simple things are always hard.
- The easy ways are always blocked.
- The short cuts are always under construction by the post engineers.
- Anything you do can get you in trouble - including doing nothing.
- When you've secured a crime scene, don't forget to tell the brass.
- Using the siren and light to clear traffic - attracts traffic.
- It only becomes a riot right after you show up.
- If you take out the newest patrol car, you'll have an accident.
- No street-wise unit ever passed inspection.
- No inspection-ready unit ever makes it on the streets.
- The thing you really need, will be left back at the MP Station.
- Radios will fail as soon as you need back-up desperately.
- Flashlight batteries always die out, just when you really need light.
- Military working dogs attack anything that moves - including you.
- The helicopter will always be low on fuel, as soon as you need it.
- You'll find the suspect you want, when you're off-duty and unarmed.
- If you respond to more than your fair share of calls, you'll have more than your fair share of calls to respond to.
- The suspect will escape, just before you set up a good perimeter.
- The dependent who screams loudly when you don't show up quickly, also screams loudly when you do.
- The weight of the dead body you'll have to carry is proportional to the amount of stairs you'll have to climb.
- Fatalities always occur at the end of shift - or when it rains and snows.
- Your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
- Contrary to popular belief - general officers don't get tickets.
- You won't get called to a court martial - unless it's your day off.
- Take off your hat and the MP Duty Officer shows up.
- Empty guns - aren't.
- Your two minute "back-up" is always actually ten minutes away.
- The alley you sprint down, is the wrong alley.
- Tasting suspected drugs works - but only on TV or in the movies.
- Suspects always hide in the last place you look.
- Better to be judged by twelve, than carried by six.
- Professional criminals are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs.
- Admit nothing, deny everything, demand proof - then blame a Private.
- Don't stand, if you can sit - don't sit, if you can lay down - if you can lay down, you might as well take a nap.
- Contrary to popular belief, O.C. *IS* an area effect weapon.